Entitled 65-year-olds demand that daughter-in-law fund their retirement plan, she refuses and puts her own family’s future first: 'They'll be an obligation for the next 20 years'

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Nov 22, 2025 12:00 PM EST

Most couples figure out early on that marriage is essentially two people trying to merge their wildly different upbringings into something functional. But then you end up in a situation that reminds you just how mismatched those family dynamics really are. One woman and her husband built an entire life far away from both of their families; they accomplished everything through a combination of hard work and some financial support from her side of the family. Meanwhile, resources from his side flowed in one specific direction: straight toward the younger brother. Not only that, but they've gotten into the habit of barely communicating. 

Now, after 15 quiet years, the in-laws have resurfaced with a stunning proposition: they want to move into a retirement home, and they expect our narrator and her husband to foot the bill, all while preserving their house as a future gift for the already-spoiled brother. 

At this point, it's clear that boundaries are non-negotiable. Even when it's family, you and your spouse get to decide what obligations are yours and what obligations are theirs. It might be uncomfortable to have a frank conversation about finances, living arrangements, and expectations, but setting limits now will save years of resentment down the line. Family support is one thing; being taken advantage of is another entirely.

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  • 01

    AITA for not wanting to pay for FIL's and MIL's retirement home?

    Cheezburger Image 10576785664
    via Robert Kneschke

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    Husband (45M) and I (45F) moved far from our families. We have two kids on the spectrum and have created a good life for ourselves. My family has always
    via u/Routine-Leg7691
  • 03
    been helping financially, while his never gave him/us a dime. MIL and FIL have built two houses, one for them and the other for
    via u/Routine-Leg7691
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    their younger son (who stayed to live close to them). They also bought a car for him and raised/ supported his kids. I, on the other hand, did everything myself:
    via u/Routine-Leg7691
  • 05
    raised the kids, homeschooled them, managed all the doctors, maintained the house...so that husband can build a career. With
    via u/Routine-Leg7691
  • 06
    my family's money and his skills, he built a good business. And now, 15 years after we left, MIL
    via u/Routine-Leg7691
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    and FIL (both 65) say that they want to go to a retirement home.
    via u/Routine-Leg7691
  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10576778496
    via Robert Kneschke

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 09
    Besides being too young for this, they are also both very healthy and active. They just feel like they'd enjoy being waited on and
    via u/Routine-Leg7691
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    have somebody else clean/cook/ care for them. And they are expecting US to pay for this!
    via u/Routine-Leg7691
  • 11
    They could easily sell their house to pay for this, but they want to leave it to their younger son since he's kind of a deadbeat. Hubby wants to commit to this (he's sensitive to his mother's wishes),
    via u/Routine-Leg7691
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    but I am against it. The way I see it: they already gave the brother one house and nothing to us,
    via u/Routine-Leg7691
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    they can afford to pay it from their house's proceedings but don't want to, and they don't
    via u/Routine-Leg7691
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    even need to be in a retirement home. The fact is, the deadbeat brother will quickly sell their
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    house once they enter that retirement home, so they'd not be able to go back to their house.
    via u/Routine-Leg7691
  • 16
    田 田
    via DAPA Images

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    Hence, they'll be our obligation for the next 20 years down the road. I am not ready to commit to this since our kids might need a
    via u/Routine-Leg7691
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    lifetime of (money) support due to being on the spectrum, while bother's kids are fine. Also, I don't think this is fair to my parents who gave us over half a mil over
    via u/Routine-Leg7691
  • 19
    the last 15 years without expecting anything in return. AITA for not wanting to pay for their retirement home?
    via u/Routine-Leg7691
  • 20
    RETIREMENT
    via CatLane from Getty Images Signature

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 21
    Hungry_Goose492 If the situation were the same for me and my husband told me he was going to give them money, I would serve him divorce papers.
    via u/Hungry_Goose492
  • 22
    Husband is sensitive to his mother's wishes? Tough shit. Your wishes take precedence.
    via u/Hungry_Goose492
  • 23
    International-Fee255 NTA Time for therapy. Your husband is blinded by a desire for praise from his parents. They haven't helped at all, they aren't due anything now.
    via u/International-Fee255
  • 24
    Mundane-Run6179 NTA. Your husband needs therapy to start to understand his mum is taking advantage and that his brother is the favorite
    via u/Mundane-Run6179

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relationship advice family drama wife family feud relationships husband couples mother in law love entitled family retirement money entitled people
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